In my post the secret box, I talked a little bit about my transitional objects that I got from Carly, Jessie, and Julia. In case you need a reminder, here’s the description of what a transitional object is:
“Think of a transitional object as a ‘stand-in’ for the person [you find supportive]… The transitional object helps [you] stay in touch with what [you] are working on, what was said in a particular session, or commitments [you] made… Keep it with you as a reminder of the goals you have for yourself, and to help you stay connected to your healthy self.
Costin & Grabb, The 8 Keys to Recovery from an Eating Disorder
For me, these transitional objects remind me of the people who love me and want me to take care of myself. Sometimes, when I want to do problem behaviors, I feel like I don’t deserve to feel better, and I convince myself that I deserve whatever self destruction that I want to engage in. The transitional objects work as a way to remind myself that I have friends who know I do deserve to feel better, which makes it easier to realize the same for myself.
I’m not saying that using other people’s belief in you as a crutch is as good as believing in yourself–not at all. The ultimate goal is believing in yourself. As you’re working to strengthen that belief in yourself, though, you can use some help. Your support system, and in turn, your traditional objects, can remind you that you need to believe in yourself when you’re in doubt and want to engage in problem behaviors.
Asking Carly, Jessie, and Julia to pick out a transitional object for me was kind of scary. I felt like I was asking for too much. The three of them listened to me talk about the hospital and were more than willing to help with everything, both with and without my asking. I felt like making this another thing for them to do for me was too much.
But boy, I’m so incredibly glad I asked for this. Having them give me transitional objects has been the most effective means of my working to recover. In a strange (but good) way, when I see one of the objects, I feel like if I continue to engage in problem behavior, I’m letting them down. Because they want me to feel better, even if, in that moment, I don’t even necessarily want me to feel better. It can be a determining factor when I’m deciding between the healthy choice and the not-so-healthy choice.
Even if you’re scared–I urge you to take the chance and do this, even if you only ask one person. I texted each of my friends a picture of the section in the book that outlined what it was and asked if they could do it. You could send them this post outlining what it is and how it’s helpful so that they could understand a little bit about the object’s role in your recovery.
Carly, Jessie, and Julia each were really enthusiastic about the idea and thanked me for letting them pick something out for me. I think it showed them that they could help me in a tangible, concrete way, which is sometimes hard to replicate if they aren’t quite sure how to help. And I’m so insanely happy that I took the chance and asked them.
So, I urge you to ask someone to pick out a transitional object for you. They’ll get to help you in an amazing and beautiful way, and you’ll grow closer because of it. And best of all, it will serve as a reminder for when that person can’t be there for you in person that there’s always someone looking out for you, that there’s always someone who cares about you.
All my love,
Allie
I’d love to hear about your experiences with transitional objects in the comments below!
SAVING MY BUTTERFLIES 