I’m here!!!

Hey friends!

Well, it’s finally here. I got to my new apartment in Denver this morning. And whoa, it feels surreal. I don’t feel old enough to do this. I still don’t have a job. The drive over was hella stressful (I’ll get to that in a minute), and I just met my roommate for the first time.

But it’s beautiful here, I have four job interviews scheduled over the next week, and FINALLY I saw my mountain. And my mountain did not disappoint.

Anyway, back to the trip. First off, I thought for a hot minute that I got a flat tire–but false alarm. Just some stress. Then somewhere around Des Moines (I think…?), I lost my debit card. I didn’t notice until I was trying to fill up with gas in middle-of-nowhere Nebraska. Cue the crying and hyperventilating, and a very panicked call to my friend asking her to tell me what to do.

Luckily, this friend gave me a Visa gift card as a parting gift, so I wasn’t totally broke. While I was sobbing in my car, a family saw me, asked if I was okay, and offered to pay for my gas, which I accepted.

I have quite literally NEVER done that–this is the first time I’ve lost anything money related that was pretty serious. It was somewhere I didn’t know, and I was by myself with the closest person I could call about 6 hours away.

It was *quite* a day.

Today has been better. The drive got far more interesting when I got into Colorado, (no offense Nebraska), I had a shorter drive, and I got to see the apartment and go on an adventure! The apartment is a GIANT upgrade. And I get my own room and bathroom, so there’s absolutely nothing to complain about :). My roommate is nice, and we went grocery shopping and unloaded some of my stuff. Then I went to the bank and got set up to get a new debit card, and then (the best part!!!) I went on a hike.

I can see why people love it here–it’s GORGEOUS. And it gave me a lot of hope that I’m going to like it here once I get settled. Mother nature can be pretty cool.

In terms of problem behaviors I’ve been doing okay. I’ve thrown up once in the past week or so and I cut twice. Nothing super crazy, though, especially given the insanity of this week. I had to say some of my hardest goodbyes, and there have been TONS of tears. I think this is something I needed to do, though. And here I am. I really did it.

I still am not talking to my parents. I’m not sure if they know that I moved. They’re blocked on my social media, and I’m not sure whether or not they read this. But I’m on my own and I’m figuring it out.

Moving and not feeling safe to tell them really hurts. I don’t know why, but there is something inside of me that sets off millions of red flags whenever I think about the possibility of them knowing where I am.

Yesterday with my debit card panic I really wanted my mom. I wanted someone to be that person from me, and it was a really blunt (and painful) wakeup call that it’s not going to happen.

But somehow I’m still figuring this out. I got here safely, I have an apartment and am on my way to getting a job. I’m here. I’m functioning and have some plans underway. I’m doing it.

Thank you for staying with me on my cross-country journey. This is all really scary and exciting, and I appreciate the love and support more than you know. You all are awesome. I see you and I’m so happy you’re here.

All my love,

Allie