things are coming together

Hey friends! I come with good news today!

So….the last time I posted I was on the job search. Well! I got not one, but two (!) jobs since then!

Full time I am working for 4 assisted living houses under the same company. I get to do activities with seniors in assisted living and memory care, so I get to do lots of crafts and play a lot of games. I am enjoying it and I think it’ll be a great gauge on whether or not social work with hospice or palliative care is something I’d like to pursue. Even only having started two weeks ago, I already feel like I’m making an impact on the residents. Seeing them smile and get excited to see me is so rewarding–knowing that their health is declining, I’m glad to know that I’m helping make that difficult time a little bit easier.

As for my other job, I got accepted into a dance company for their 2022 season!!! I can officially say that I got hired as a professional dancer–something I’ve been dreaming about since I was twelve. It still feels surreal. I’m excited to dance and create and do all of the things!

I also figured out something financially that will assure I can pay my bills next month, which is a huge weight off my shoulders. Things got complicated with the job switch in terms of paychecks, but I’ve figured out how to get by, and I am so freaking relieved.

After my mom never got back to me again, I changed my phone number. I emailed her saying to cancel my phone plan and that I’d let her know when to cancel my health insurance, which will be happening at the end of this year thanks to my new job. I also told her that I wouldn’t be contacting them anymore.

It was a really hard decision. It made everything in terms of separating from them and my needing to be done feel a whole lot more real. And permanent. But now, two weeks later, I know it was the right decision, despite the fact that it still hurts. I know that I will truly feel free once I’m completely detached from them after the health insurance for the year is up. The idea of that separation makes me feel safe, like once it happens I’ll finally be able to breathe again.

Mentally I’ve been okay. Not great, but okay. Since I quit my other job, I’ve been super lonely. I miss my friends from that company, and I wish I could see them more. The whole thing with my mom is still weighing heavily–the idea of the whole thing makes me feel like I can’t breathe, and I feel like no matter what I do, I need to get even further away from them. I think I’ve just been in a constant state of feeling unsafe.

Rationally I know they won’t do anything–they don’t know where to find me and outside of my email they have no way of contacting me, so even if they wanted to, they couldn’t. The emotional isn’t as accepting of that fact.

Hiking has continued to be my solace. The mountains continue to be absolutely glorious, and hiking in the quiet is such a wonderful thing.

It’s been wild, but with the two new jobs and things going better overall, it feels like Colorado is starting to be nice to me. 🙂

As always, thank you for taking the time to keep up with me! You’re important and amazing and I’m so freaking happy you’re here.

All my love,

Allie